Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Three Years Have Come and Gone

Three years have come and gone. So many changes have occurred and yet there are so many things the same. We live on the same farm in the same house, but new updates to both happen often. We have the same five children that we had three years ago, but they have grown by leaps and bounds. The youngest child now sings his ABC's and recognizes his letters. The oldest child is a senior taking college classes and making preparations for his future. The daughter is now only 6 inches shorter than myself and the third son is getting ready to take his hunter's safety course. The second born is taller than the first born and still growing I might add. Yes, they are all the same children, but time has changed them. Michael's occupation has stayed the same, but now he is self employed as a contractor. I too have changed over the last 3 years. Although I am living my dream of being a wife and homemaker, I have also added the passion of gardening and photography to my list of things that keep my hands busy. If I could have chosen any life for me, I would have chosen this life with this husband with these kids on this farm. I am settled and for the first time in our marriage, we have finally found a place to allow our roots to go down deep without fear of being transplanted. A place we can call home.
Three years have come and gone. In one vein of thought, it has traveled by slowly. Many things have transpired in these three years. However reality says that it has gone by quickly. Life is the thing that happens when the ordinary days are knitted together and then you realize that those days are actually extraordinary. Looking back you see the ordinary days making a beautiful tapestry that we call our life. This morning was one of those ordinary mornings. The same ordinary habits occurred that come together to make this family function efficiently. Yet on the inside I was marking something different in my heart. As I drank my coffee this morning, I felt a tear roll down my face. Not the kind of tears that are uncontrollable, but the kind that just slide down from the corner of the eyes. These kind of tears don't come from uncontrollable grief or sorrow, but instead they come from a soft sadness. In my case, they came this morning because I knew that today marked the three year point. For three years, he hasn't been a physical part of my life even though he has been in it some way every day.
Three years ago today at around 7:27 p.m., I said goodbye to my dad. I knew it was time and that he was being ushered into the very presence of the Lord. The hospice nurse hugged me and whispered a soft reminder that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. I am at peace with him being with the Lord. I have no doubts there. I have no regrets where my relationship with my dad is concerned. We lived our life with a great relationship. I just miss him. I miss him being a part of our ordinary everyday life...sharing with him the milestones that make each day special.
grace and peace,


Marci said...

Oh Julie... BIG HUGS to you!!!!! I have tears on my face now. I know that feeling. 3 years ago on Monday was the last time I saw my Mom alive. She died very suddenly and unexpectedly in October. She had come to see us because of my meningitis. It is amazing how the grief can roll over you like a wave out of nowhere. Then ebb away a bit. May the Lord hold you tightly in His arms today!!!

Big Canyon Staff said...

Crying tears with you. Consider yourself hugged!

Hold on to those wonderful memories of your sweet daddy.

Big Canyon Staff said...

Oops I was logged onto our new blog-in-the-making. Anyways, it's me, mountain mama.