grace and peace,
julie
Our pastor in Florida spent some time teaching marriage principles and this was one that spoke to my heart. He started his teaching with the question "Are you willing to drop your ball?" Now if you play sports you know that dropping the ball isn't usually the goal of the game. Well, I guess if you are a bowler that would be one of the goals, but for baseball or football players they want to keep their ball. In football, a dropped ball is considered a fumble. In baseball, a dropped ball can be the catalyst for many unearned runs for the other team. Aren't you impressed of how much sports knowledge I have gained over the years being the mom of 4 boys???
This particular marriage principle is different from the usual sports analogy. Are you willing to drop your ball intentionally and LET the other person have his/her way? Is there something REALLY worth fighting over enough that you can't give in for your spouse? I started realizing that most of the arguments that Michael and I had were not that big of a deal. If it was something REALLY important then I could wait until the heat of the moment was over and talk to him when we both were more rational. (Not that I would or could ever be irrational or anything)!!! We both have defused many arguments by just dropping our ball. It is an intentional and on purpose kind of thing.
Too often in the past, I have had this look on my face when I wasn't getting my way...
Sometimes Michael will drop his ball for me, and other times I will drop my ball (wants, ideas, plans, desires, dreams) for him. It is a give and take situation. When we first moved to Tennessee, I found a house that I really wanted. It was a foreclosed home and it had many issues. (One was the fact that the kitchen was pretty much gone, but that is such a minor dilemma when you are married to a cabinet maker)! The house was also crooked, but it was so FULL of character and I really loved it. It was like the doll house that I had always wanted...well minus all the yucky color paint and other minor details that needed to be repaired. Michael wasn't as sold on this 100 year old farmhouse as I was. I saw all the potential in the house and he saw all the work. We talked and prayed about it. The final decision was his to make because when we can't agree on something we go with his decision because he is the head of the house. Now that doesn't mean he always gets his way. He has to go back before the Lord and find the heart of the Lord on the particular matter. We did buy the house, and I was thrilled with it. I loved that house so much and I loved living there with my family. He was willing to drop his ball for something that meant a lot to me. Just for the record, I had to drop my ball when we bought the farm we are living in now. I wasn't interested at all in it, but it was important to him.
I find that the big issues in life are easier to lay down for my husband than the small ones. Some times I get irritated if he wants something from me or if he has made plans without my knowledge. I could let him have it on that one! I then have a decision to make...will I drop my ball for him... if the answer is yes, then I choose to do it with a good attitude even if I am less than thrilled about his request. If it is something that we need to address further, then I can talk with him when I am not upset. The same holds true for him. We were in a heated argument one day, and I realized that I was holding my ball very tightly. I wasn't about to fumble this particular ball...no siree...I was right...he was wrong.... I was going to stand my ground. (By the way, I really was right). Then I heard the Lord speak to my heart and He asked me if I was going to drop my ball for the man that He put in my life. UGHH...I looked straight at Michael and I told him that I was dropping my ball. He could win the argument because it didn't really matter. He looked stunned...kind of like a calf in a hail storm. I won his heart instantly because I was willing to lay my life down for him.
Are you willing to drop your ball for the person that you are married to? Are you willing to lay down YOUR ways, YOUR will, YOUR desires, YOUR dreams, YOUR wants for your spouse? Ask the Lord to help you in the areas that you need help in letting go of your will. He may just surprise you!!!
grace and peace,
julie
When I walk out this principle on a daily basis, Michael's day is made much better. He feels that I value him and care for him. He SEES it in action. However there are many times that he doesn't even realize that I am doing this. The day he asked me to go golfing with him is a prime example of this in play. He really wanted me to go. I really didn't want to go. I had a huge garden afternoon planned out, and I had really been looking forward to my afternoon. I made sure all the household chores were done that morning so I could enjoy the time in the garden. I was looking forward to the garden time and I was looking forward to the garden chores being completed. Then came my husband... "Hey, since you have all the inside stuff caught up, would you like to come golfing with me?" In my head was a loud "NO!!! I have long since outgrown spending time getting frustrated hitting a little ball into an elusive hole!" I saw the look in his eyes and I realized it was important to him. Just to make sure that I wasn't mistaken, I asked him if he was serious. He was and I went. I put my plans and wants down to do what he wanted. Turned out we both had a great time and I enjoyed spending the time with my best friend ever so much.
The flip side of this principle is that Michael lives his life in the same way. He looks out for my good at his expense and I get blessed with that each and every day. I think the Biblical way to say this is do unto others as you would have them do unto you! It really works.
This principle has to also be seasoned with grace. Michael isn't a morning person. He has a hard time starting his day with a smile on his face. I don't expect much from him in the mornings. I give him grace to get a slower start on his day than what I would like to see. On the flip side of this is I am not a night person. After 9:00 p.m., I am tired and I am getting irritable with everybody in our house. Michael knows this about me and he gives me the grace I need during the hardest part of my day. He usually puts the younger kids to bed for me and any discipline that needs to be attended to at night is his responsibility. We didn't write a formal set of rules that say he is responsible for all children issues after 9:00 p.m. We just kind of evolved in it over the years. It works for us. He saw my weak area and he laid down his wants and desires to allow me what I need.
The tricky part is when one of us changes our normal behavior or pattern unexpectedly. For example, if I am having a hard time starting my day and I just am plain grouchy, that usually catches Michael off guard. A simple request for a cup of coffee can put me into a tizzy. Michael isn't at his best in the morning, and we have a situation ripe for an argument. One of us has to "drop our ball" so to speak and be willing to give the other person a little extra space. Sometimes we hit the mark...other times we don't. One of my children's favorite stories to tell on me is that one morning neither Michael or myself was willing to give for the other one. I was angry...he was angry. He walked out the door and I was still so frustrated. I happened to have a cup of coffee in my hand. As he drove off to work, I threw my cup of coffee at him while he was driving down the road. He never knew, and I felt better. Of course I had to go pick up the coffee cup bits out of the road. My kids still talk about the day I threw a coffee cup at their dad!!! We both blew it on that particular day. But a few minutes into his drive, he called me to tell me he was sorry. I too was sorry and we talked about it for awhile realizing how silly we both had been. All it would have taken that particular morning would have been for one of us to give for the other one. To this day I have no idea what each of us was so upset about. It really didn't matter.
I do find a proper way to deal with things that bother me. His good at my expense doesn't mean I have to live with things that cause me irritation or strife. I have to be honest with him and tell him when things bother me. If he asked me to play golf every Saturday, I would have to tell him that I don't really want to do that. If he still wants to play, I would give him some suggestions on how we could make that work for him that didn't involve me always having to go. That is living life honestly with one another which is very important.
I hope and pray this little glimpse into our life may help spark thoughts to help you think about ways to improve your own marriage. Please know that we aren't perfect...just ask our kids...they will be more than happy to tell you about me throwing coffee cups or the time I threw the meatloaf out the back door. Just come to our dinner table any time that we are having meatloaf and you can hear the story in full living color!!! After soon to be 21 years of marriage, Michael and I still are looking for ways we can improve. Marriage isn't something that stands still. It isn't suppose to be stagnant...it is suppose to be full of life and growth...even in the hard times of life.
grace and peace,
julie
He shook them out into the hive and went for another load.
While he was having all the fun, I was across the street in the shelter of the Big Red Truck with my magic weapon....
Here is a picture of my sink full of lettuce soaking in water to be cleaned.
After I have washed and picked through it, I then use my salad spinner to dry the lettuce. I store it in large plastic containers or plastic bags. I put a paper towel in the bottom of the container and one on top of the lettuce to help soak up any moisture.
Whenever I have green peas or green beans, I make sure I break them ahead of time. I also go ahead and wash up the broccoli or cauliflower. I bag it in meal size portions in small plastic bags. Last night I was in a huge time crunch. I was able to prepare cauliflower in no time flat because all of the prep work had already been done. There is nothing more frustrating than pouring all that time, energy, and money into growing a garden and then having to feed the produce to the chickens because I let it go bad. It still happens some, but not near as often as it use to.
grace and peace,
julie